the honeymoon
by Douglas Messerli
This first series of events gives us a glimpse of the honeymoon problems this couple will face, as they soon discover that it is nearly impossible to get rid of the jealous former suitor. As a wedding present the couple has been sent by the Groom’s uncle a build-it-yourself house, with the materials gathered into bundles and numbered, a set of instructions on top of the first batch. The Bride sets up a sort of outdoor kitchen, while the Groom goes to work on the 9th, planning, as the instructions promise, to finish the new abode within the week.
The Groom, it soon becomes obvious, is not a natural carpenter, sawing himself off of beams while walls of the partially constructed house, come crashing to the ground. He is saved by his accidental location, which matches the position of an open window. But even further havoc is caused by the former suitor, who renumbers the packages, so that as the building slowly comes into existence, we see it developing with a series of surrealist-like angles, a roof too small for the structure, a porch leaning in triangulate corners, and windows slanting in opposing directions. Walls flip from inside to out, rooms lead to nowhere. The final result, indeed, looks something like a Frank Gehry creation, without any of the great architect’s grace.
The delivery of his wife’s piano causes further difficulties as, upon its arrival, it falls upon the Groom, trapping him beneath. The piano mover lifts it only so that the Groom can sign for its delivery, dropping it upon him again. Now the problem is to get the piano into the house. The Groom rigs up a series of metal links which he attaches to a chandelier, the Bride has draping it around the instrument. As he pulls on the links, the ceiling sags at the very place where the “helping” former suitor sits upstairs, he sinking along with the floor. Suddenly realizing what is happening, the Groom lets loose of his pulley, the former suitor being propelled through the roof as the floor returns to place. The Groom must use the porch railing as a ladder to free his arch enemy, but accidentally delivers justice by hitting him on the head with a metal pipe.
The couple escapes from the debacle just in time, the Groom, returning with the equanimity he has shown throughout all the film’s disasters, to post a “For Sale” sign. Having survived this terrible first week of their relationship, it is clear this couple can survive anything that might come their way.
Reprinted from International Cinema Review (January 2012).
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