southern fried
chicken
by Douglas Messerli
Sy Gomberg (screenplay, adapted from
stories Damon Runyon by Albert Mannheimer), Harmon Jones (director) Bloodhounds of Broadway / 1952
In this 1952 mishmash of several Damon
Runyon stories woven together in order to create a showcase for Mitzi Gaynor,
the magic of Runyonland seems to have almost completely died out, the film
beginning with a dirge-like torch song, sung by a somewhat dour Yvonne Dugan
(Marguerite Chapman) to an empty chair. The famed Dave the Dude’s Club seems
more like a morgue than a popular night spot. Indeed, gambling, so it appears,
is about to come to an end! In the back room Robert “Numbers” Foster (Scott
Brady) has called together his associates to explain the situation: they are
all about to be called to testify before a Senate committee and plan to quickly
forsake their beloved New York for the environs of Miami before disembarking
for Cuba! Numbers’ girlfriend, Yvonne, will testify in their stead, carefully
trained by a script held by Curtaintime Charlie (dancer-singer Richard Allen).
Accordingly, this empty fable begins with a boring and unrevealing “trial,”
one of the mobsters repeating “I can’t remember,” while Yvonne, true to her
man, perfumes the room with lies. Even the senators throw up their hands in
boredom: the inquiry ends as quickly as it has begun!
Meanwhile, down South, since things have seemingly calmed down, Numbers
hires a car piloted by the only truly funny figure in his work, Harry “Poorly”
Sammis (Wally Vernon), to drive slowly back to the Big City, But Poorly’s poor
driving skills sends them into the backwoods of Georgia, where they immediately
encounter a gingham-clad Emily Ann Stackerlee (Mitzi) barnstorming over her
granddaddy’s grave in a rousing chorus of funereal songs. As quick as you can
say, “howdy, miss,” she invites the interlopers home for dinner, dancing up
servings of candied yams and grits! Dinner, unfortunately, is interrupted by
the gun-toting neighbor boys, Crockett Pace and his brothers, ending with
Numbers, Poorly, and Emily Ann, along with her beloved bloodhounds, speeding
off into the sunset!
If you think these events might be lacking some credibility, hold on!
For Numbers, having been “calmed down” by Emily Lee’s singing, suddenly gets
the urge to take her along to New York where he might “mentor” and see to her
education, hankering, evidently, to play “Daddy Long Legs” to this innocent
country gal. But wouldn’t you know, the minute they get the Big Apple, where
Emily Lee is given up into the tutelage of show-girl Tessie Sammis (Mitzi
Green), the green country kid suddenly becomes a 20-something woman who, it
turns out, can sing and dance as good as any Broadway star. As they play out a
kind of “I can do anything better routine,” Tessie, Curtantime, and Emily Lee irresistibly
patter “I Have a Feeling You’re Fooling.”
The rest of this silly pastiche is made up of cutsey routines for
Mitzi—some of them quite entertaining—trouble-making explosions by the jealous
Yvonne, and the confused reactions of Numbers, who, losing his idiot savant ability to multiply and add
all combinations of figures, has fallen desperately in love without his knowing
it. Stitching these threads together are scenes in which the dogs, now hooked
on Poorly’s pills, roam the streets of Broadway and, more often fall into deep
sleep; Tessie’s cheerleading support of her protégée; and Emily Lee’s
never-ending attempts to feed everyone she meets. A second investigation into
the gambling racket, sends Numbers into hiding once again, as his former
reform-school friend, Inspector McNamara (Michael O’Shea) attempts to convince
Emily Lee to save her lover from years in prison by making a deal: one year in
prison for going straight!
Screenplay writer Sy Gomberg and adapter Albert Mannheimer don’t give
Runyon’s suckers an even chance. The Southern fried chicken, oily as it is, is
served up cold. Numbers, upon his release from the slammer, and Emily Lee grow
fat as an old married couple, hoofing their lives away. Isn'tit sweet?
Los
Angeles, February 9, 2013
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