love excluded
by Douglas Messerli
Linda
Bloodworth-Thomason (director, based on the short film by Shane Crone, It Could Happen To You) Bridegroom: A Love Story, Unequaled /
2013
More accepting of himself, it appears, was
an Indiana youth, Thomas Bridegroom, who was able to adapt to and was quite
popular at a military school before attending the liberal Vassar, a boy who
seemed extremely well-adjusted; his parents, however, refused to accept his
sexuality, his father even threatening to shoot his son’s partner after his son
expressed their relationship.
Using self-made videos and photographs,
the director and various relatives and friends share the joy of just being
around this couple, particularly Thomas, a would-be actor (he did play in some
small roles) who was clearly a charismatic individual who perfectly balanced
Shane’s sometimes darker personality. Together the couple traveled extensively,
to Egypt, Peru, France, and other international locations, affording their
trips my camping out in inexpensive rooms and flying on bargain-priced flights.
Their happiness together is revealed time and again in the very images shown in
the film. The music, some of it sung by Shane and Tom is evidence of their
talent, and is an important element in the power of the film.
Indeed, had they been able to marry in
California at the time of their relationship and had they been able, as they
wanted, to settle down, adopt a child and buy a dog, there would be no story to
tell. Like thousands of beautiful young heterosexual couples, they would simply
have lived, metaphorically speaking, happily ever after. With this singing
talents and corn-fed good looks, Tom might even have able to make a name in
films.
Back in his apartment, the dead man’s
mother rifled through her son’s possessions, and, although she promised to keep
in touch with Shane about the planned funeral, attempted to leave with the
coffin without even saying goodbye. He was later disinvited, like the character
in Christopher Isherwood’s A Single Man,
from the funeral. When Shane months after visited the cemetery, he found his
lover’s grave wedged between the waiting stones of Thomas’ parents, without any
mention of his and Tom’s own relationship. It was as if Shane and Tom as a
couple had never existed.
Although Shane and his friends later held a
ceremony in Los Angeles for Tom, it could not resolve the pain of exclusion
from all those important events which help people to resolve their grief. The
following year, Shane released a short film, It Could Happen to You, via UTube on
the anniversary of Tom’s death. And that film,
in turn, after Bloodworth-Thomason, a slight acquaintance of Shane’s, when saw
that work, asked if she might expand it into the full-length documentary that
bares Tom’s last name.
In some respects, obviously, this film is
a kind of warning for all LGBTs living in relationships who have not yet
married. And one can say, in retrospect, that this loving pair should have
applied for a domestic partnership which was available in California before
marriage became legalized; all couples should visit a lawyer, write wills and
provide medical directives. But these protections are sometimes lost on
youthful couples. Although Howard and I did just these things during those same
years, we had already been together 35 years by the time Shane and Tom first
met.
And there are other issues which this
film did not address. Did Shane and Tom have shared bank accounts? Had they
made any mutual investments? If so, the parents might have also claimed those.
And, most importantly, how did Bridegroom’s parents react to this film? Did
they ever see it, and were they at all shamed? Surely they must realize that,
through this movie, Shane has regained his control over the memory of their
son, while they retained nothing but the dead body?
In hindsight, what this film most reveals
is the continued bigotry not only of people throughout the country like the
elderly Bridegrooms, but the unfairness of our legal systems which surely
should extend some legal rights to unmarried couples, particularly given the
trends of people to live together before actually marrying or the increasing
dislike of the marriage institution by others.
In 2015, when Shane showed this film in
East Texas, a large group of individuals gathered in front of the theater to
pray, presumably to save the souls of gay men and lesbians. They were surprised
when, at the end of the movie, the young man invited them in to participate in
the after film discussion, quite intelligently refuting some of their protests
with the following comments.
I
explained that while it's important to respect other people's views, I
disagreed with the heart of their statement. "If all sins are equal, then
it's hard for me to comprehend why an entire group of you would have an
emergency prayer session outside of the screening of a film that tells a love
story about two men. If you are willing to go to such great lengths to stop
everything you're doing to try and 'save' everyone who came to the screening,
shouldn't you be having these same kind of prayer circles around divorce
attorneys' offices to 'save' people from acting on the sin of divorce?"
I
can't understand why people go to such great lengths to shout from the rooftops
that "Homosexuality is a sin and must be stopped!" when every single
one of us is a "sinner" to some degree.
I am shocked by
the amount of time, energy, and money people spend trying to deny LGBT people
equal rights. Imagine if that same time, energy, and money were spent
combatting world hunger or curing cancer; the world would be a healthier,
happier place, I am sure.
Los
Angeles, July 6, 2016
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